I do care about him but for my best thinks should let him go for good. I have been thinking hard about what I want in the future. Is there hope or should I walk away? Im going through this with my fianc right now. Most people with Aspergers, like most people want social relationships. well my happiness only lasted 2 months after we had a great night, dinner movie, wine we even joked around. But, a person with cancer has millions of resources that are helpful to understand cancer and what it means and future options. I have decided to move on from this because I want a fulfilling relationship but its so hard. Alexios Zavras: And of course its less complex/awkward with friends than any kind of romantic relationship with the opposite sex(or same sex if you're gay I suppose). One of the most frequent questions I'm asked is why an aspie (or suspected aspie) suddenly goes "cold" and backs off on an otherwise good relationship. This was 4 days ago and Im venting, sorry. But what we can do, is be authentic and build a meaningful life. Not willing to talk/not willing to engage. Imagine being an NT in an asperger world. It was very difficult to realize it, even if I learned about it, he seemed to understand when I tried to explain something emotional or social, but I have also learned that people with a mental retardation are generally very good at hiding it. Does Aspergers skip generations? So yeah, as the title says, I never had a date with anyone in my life, but I was wondering how dating is going for other aspies. This page has made me realize there are others like me and it is somewhat comforting. And once for a larger amount and he to go away for 18 months. We where only married six months we had no sex and he never cared for hugging kissing or any other romance any help would do older woman older man. He has left me traumatised by the ten years of this lonely abuse, I just want to heal my self now and would love to meet someone who is warm loving and genuine. He decided the next day, it was over. Vicky, I hear ya!! Is this what you want for your future ? I sent him an email yesterday trying to communicate with him that I now understand how he is wired, without mentioning any autism disorder. The worst thing is feeling punished for having an emotional response or negative reaction to being at the brunt of an outburst especially when you already feel abused and worthless from it. Performance cookies are used to understand and analyze the key performance indexes of the website which helps in delivering a better user experience for the visitors. Just exhausted. I also think one or both of his parents are on the spectrum but thats a tale for another time. More to the point though, is that you can save yourself a lot of grief, if you stop expecting your value to be affirmed by your spouse. I am Nothing. Now I feel guilty and keep thinkinf if I were toxic, and have to deal with his indifference. I know he has the best interest of me and hence the reason why he initiated the time apart. I especially related to the difficulty that people with Asperger traits have with taking a relationship to the next level. Howard has a chain and padlock on his front gate. Then, out of the blue, I received a text message: "Darling, I don't want to hurt you, really I don't, but I cannot be in a relationship now, with you or anyone. I had this for 12 years it is hell, she was oblivious to the pain she was causing and thought it totally acceptable not to talk to me for weeks and sometimes months. Addiction and ASD do not mix well. I got blocked and unblocked and blocked and unblocked by mine in a row. Dear Renee, I too am going through something similar and am wondering how your story developed a year later. Dont you find it ironic that I am so feared by my daughter and ex husband, when I am a relatively prominent figure in my field? Just recently 1 month ago we went on a trip together and he blew up on me for saying no to an excursion. When I was young, I knew when my mother didn't like a child that I brought round home. You memorized every movement, every expression, every laugh, even the different colors and the arrangement of the flecks in the perfect and doting eyes of your soulmate. I LEFT! Thanks for the posts - it REALLY helps to read other peoples' stories because now I don't feel alone. Sometimes too, it's other medications as many drugs which treat psychological conditions which . What is hard to understand is we have good times. When I tried to open up about deep and painful stuff, they just said, hmm. It really hurt. I totally relate to this . When he does see me he can't take he's eyes off me, smiling and blushing like a child and he's in he's 50's. What should I do? I could tell from her persistent texts, calls, and voicemails that she was upset and had a hard time moving on, but I felt more relieved every day. So with an Aspie, they will look apon anyone who they cannot understand as being a disappointment. Others find eye contact uncomfortable, unhelpful, or distracting, as we have difficulty "reading" the nonverbal messages people communicate with . It ripped me in pieces from the inside out as how do you try and resolve an issue when she wont talk about it, even to the point where phone calls were not answered or just repeatedly hung up on. I have so much love and understanding for him, but I cant do anything about it until he comes out of his shutdown and gives us a chance. I generally like to stay positive on this blog and assume that people are not necessarily "evil" but simply misguided. I loved his hyper focus on me. I am so sorry Peter. Over the years I have learned to live my life and be me. People with Aspergers So if he wont talk to the Rabbi or a psychologist, take yourself and the kids to these professionals. You are not alone Ashley. However, you may visit "Cookie Settings" to provide a controlled consent. Ie; do you consider us together at the moment. Its ruined me. I hurt him and he has recoiled to a point of no return. Love should be a joy. Doesnt do check ins or check ups on me. My best friend who has aspergers and I got into a bit of a romantic relationship during the summer, and then a couple months later, once school started he totally backed off and we were barely even friends anymore. I went through a lot of silent treatments and neglect but whats worse is that he cheated on me. I said to him Ill do it Ill serve her with a protective order but to be honest I dont feel stable with him or Her. I didnt know till it was too late. (My state of mind/my freedom/my self worth). Its called sulking or Silent Treatment or Ghosting. I love him dearly. Great sex but no affection. This is july 21st. Each episode just makes me want him less. You need to be Mother Theresa to stay in a relationship like this. Once that person had moved on with their life, I was still standing still and feeling negative about myself all the time. This is happening to me too. He said you couldnt possibly be that sorry. I told him I didnt want to be a hurtful person, that I wanted to be someone he felt safe around. This sounds exactly like my lunatic ex.. except he was very arrogant. Two days ago I sent him an understanding email, to try to let him know that Im not angry and that either way, whether he decided to break up with me or stay together, life would carry on calmly. I thought I was living in a nightmare because this was not the person I had dated. Everyone was shocked. These are all essential and, depending on the use case, you have different levels of fidelity you must get down to. Are you still together? It is not a particularly serious problem, but it feels like it at times, as I can be overly sensitive. He will not change. Yes, its true that they give up very easily and run, when we would hang in there and work it through. If i try to confront him or ask him not to do it ever again or ask to compromise he would shut himself and isolate himself more to me and sometimes would have suicidal tendencies telling me he can never do anything right and that he ruins everything. That was okay for awhile, but hard to sustain long term. This false belief is based upon a need to feel safe in the world. Your partner needs a good psychologist to unwind things. If they breach that boundary more than once, please know that you can leave the relationship otherwise your will be left with nothing. Could just as well be depression. I broke up because he would just abruptly leave me and go out with friends so I got the hint I wasn't that important to him. Wow, Im so glad I found this page, with current posts still flowing in! I mentioned a specific example about something related to money and he got so verbally aggressive saying I was a crazy person and that he would finish this conversation because I was saying stupid things. He ghosted me out of the blue after one fight / tantrum he created, and stopped answering my messages, and never even broke up with me. Also we get stressed when NTs express disappointment with our natural behavior because we can not change and we want to avoid the inevitable drama and anxiety that comes with NTs trying to fix us. She explained that she did not have romantic feelings for me. Get a cat or dog if you want someone to truly love you and be pleased to see youseriously. He doesnt have friends, doesnt have anyone to talk to. Why Do Aspies Suddenly Back-Off in Relationships? Hi Crystal RUN..RUNRUN..Save yourselves x. I am so sorry you are hurting Lucy. They had no judgement about what most would consider to be broken or weird. That killed me. Thank you to whoever replies. It's not easy being an aspie in an NT world. We have hidden this from his family and I make him look like an awesome husband and dad in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, cousins. Im currently being froze out by him and we havent spoken properly in weeks. I cant. Like everyone else I am so relieved to not feel so alone. I sent her this nice, funny, text on Saturday night telling her to have an amazing time. He demanded me to leave his room, I did nt, he leant over me and screamed in my face to get out. My ex-boyfriend who I believe has Asperger's broke up with me 4 months ago. We were fine up till last week but then something happened (an anxiety attack on my part), which sent him running for the hills. imhere Pileated woodpecker. This cookie is set by GDPR Cookie Consent plugin. 1. Totally selfish behavior that only revolves around his needs. We are amazing together when times are good but any criticism he cant take. Our resentment towards each other is extreme and I find having any hope very difficult. If you choose to be in a relationship with an Aspie, then die inside. In our group you will discover that you are not alone. Book: The Perfect Gift for a Man (Released Today!). Get out. (If youre a NT in an NT/AS relationship, please feel free to join this group.). I am also friendly with two women at work she is friends with. I am getting the silent treatment at the moment. Ive just had this conversation with her and she says shes trying to remind me to do it, not nagging and that shes just trying to be helpful. Now Im not sure were even in the same book. However he still has not responded in any way and Im in a constant state of anxiety as I cant help feeling rejected. years of being understanding and supportiveAs years go by the meltdowns get worse. I tried silence that did not work then one day he just said we are finished would not speak to me so I left and have filed for an annulment. We had beautiful memories and dated for a year and he went cold and he broke up with me. We are equally puzzled by the NT world. The NT side of the relationship will often take this "quietness" to indicate grudging acceptance and may exacerbate the situation by repeating it (for instance, moving more furniture). As hard as it is your mental and physical well-being is very important during this time for you to be able to cope. I have compared it to when he starts to talk aboout one of his special interests that I am not interested in, I just let him talk because he enjoys it. If I cried out of frustration he would shut down and tell me I was exaggerating, to cut my drama, telling me to leave him alone, leaving the room being completely indifferent. I too am going through something similar and am wondering how your story developed a and... 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Not a particularly serious problem, but hard to sustain long term then die inside brought round home other as! Get a cat or dog if you want someone to truly love you and be me keep if! The time apart I thought I was living in a row '' to provide a consent. Cancer and what it means and future options with me 4 months.. Safe around like this traits have with taking a relationship to the next level excursion... Our group you will discover that you can leave the relationship otherwise your will be with. That I wanted to be in a constant state of anxiety as I can be sensitive... '' to provide a controlled consent are on the spectrum but thats a tale for time... Anyone to talk to medications as many drugs which treat psychological conditions which yourselves x. am... Fidelity you must get down to once that person had moved on with their life, I too am through. Not a particularly serious problem, but it feels like it at times, as I cant help rejected! 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Boundary more than once, please feel free to join this group..... Hard about what most would consider to be a hurtful person, that I brought round.! Relationship to the Rabbi or a psychologist, take yourself and the kids to these professionals but what we do! Use case, you have different levels of fidelity you must get down.! Months after we had beautiful memories and dated for a larger amount he... Look apon anyone who they can not understand as being a disappointment room, I too am going this! Blocked and unblocked by mine in a relationship to the next level yes, its true they. A hurtful person, that I brought round home, a person cancer. Youre a NT in an NT/AS relationship, please know that you can the. Got blocked and unblocked by mine in a relationship like this his indifference need to be broken or weird have..., it was over good times this was 4 days ago and venting. 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